LYING
Lying takes away the other
personÕs choices. It makes the liar have total control over the other person.
Additionally, an insecure victim will be confused by their desire to trust the
liar and that causes self-blame for not knowing better. Liars are the worst
kind of people.
An outright lie when you
just blatantly lie.
White lies are lies that you
tell someone when they ask you a question you donÕt want to answer because you
know the answer will hurt their feelings. An example of a white lie is when
someone asks you if their butt looks big in those jeans and you answer no so
you wonÕt hurt their feelings. White lies are still lies. Plus, adding letting
them go out looking bad is just as bad as lying! The appropriate response to
this question is to use distraction to suggest they wear something else. Saying
something like, ÒWell, you COULD wear that outfit which looks great on you
instead.Ó And if the person really does have a big butt, they already know it,
so telling them a white lie just lets them know that you are a liar. It doesnÕt
really help their self-esteem at all, then also, they are going to wear the
jeans all night!
Gray area lying is lying
with truth mixed into it. An example of gray area lying is when someone asks
you to do something, like read a letter for them, and you do look it over, but
you donÕt really read it to the extent of being able to honestly discuss it in
detail, and you say, yes, but then you canÕt even say anything about it to help
them, which is useless to them. The appropriate two choices of what to actually
do in this instance would be to actually read it and help them or to say, ÒI
looked it over and nothing seemed to jump out at me about it.Ó
Omission lying is when
someone leaves out details, such as to change another personÕs perception of
the reality of the situation. An example of omission lying is when your
boyfriend goes out with the boys and hangs out with and flirts with other girls
and then he tells you there werenÕt any other girls hanging out with them on their
boys night out. In fact, there were girls and they did talk to the girls and
flirt with the girls, but he ÒcanÕtÓ tell you that because you will get mad, so
he twists the wording to make it sound better to you so you wonÕt get upset.
Obviously you know he is lying, but you want to trust him, and you donÕt want
to fight either, so you drop it, but you still wonder what the truth really is,
and eventually something bad will come of the omission lying, especially if it
happens a lot and/or if he really is a cheater. The appropriate way to handle
this situation is to be honest with your partner about what really happened and
discuss it so that the two of you are a team on the same page, not working
against each other.