DATING RELATIONSHIPS DON'T MAGICALLY HAPPEN

Are you dating a quality person?

Relationships do not magically happen. They are hard work. I teach workshops on the topic re-educating people about the terrible things our society teaches each other that destroy bonded connections with quality people in lasting relationships, with the Cinderella syndrome of, "I will know it when I see it."

Each of the men I have had the most dynamic chemistry with, seen lightning bolts in the air and everything, were the relationships that were doomed to fail from the beginning because they were abusive jealous men. The other man I saw that with doesn't give me the time of day beyond shallow friendship. So all 3 lightning bolts meant nothing but heartbreak for me.

The true way to make a lasting bonded committed healthy relationship is by spending quality time with a person you LIKE, then to grow into a deeply loving, respectful, kind relationships, always treating each other with mutual respect, being there for each other as the rock that they can count on no matter what ever happens. It is crucial to continually go with the ebb and flow of good days and bad days, without the bad days ruining the other good days. We all have good and bad days. Life IS a roller coaster and most things dont HAVE to mean breaking up or fighting or drama, as long as 2 people are good people being good to each other.

The fact is that 2 fully grown adults with totally different lifetimes of experiences could not possibly meet and live happily ever after without A LOT of working TOGETHER to get to the point of interlaced bonding. Our society doesn't "get it" because we live in a throw away society. People don't keep anything, not even other people. We NEED to all learn the Truth about things so that people can start fixing what is broken in our society and stop throwing everything away after it isn't shiny new anymore.

I describe this process in this way...

When two people meet, they have a lifetime of different experiences, philosophies, thoughts, feelings, traumas, ways of dealing with the hardships they have overcome, etc. They meet and there is an inevitable wall they hit up against each other like clappingthe palms of your hands against each other. They CANNOT interlace the two hands together easily, perfectly, at first because they are so different, OF COURSE. Interlacing the two into a relationship REQUIRES WORKING TOGETHER.

The two have to get to know how each person thinks about different life experiences:
1) Is this person nice to all people?
2) Does this person work through problems?
3) What is this person's personal philosophy on thinking about their life as a whole and each new thing that happens in their life?
4) Do they pay their bills?
5) Do they work every time they are supposed to work?
6) Do they help other people who are in need?
7) Does this person yell more often than very rarely, only when something is really traumatizing that most people yell about?
8) Does this person say nice things to you, to and about others?
9) Does this person say mean things to you, to and about others?
10) Does this person speak well about you to others, both in front of you and when you are not around?

11) How does this person make you feel?
12) Do you have fun with this person?
13) Do you worry about what is going on with this person when you two are not together?
14) Do you trust this person to be reliable, good, honorable, kind, and considerate of your feelings long-term?
15) Does this person do what they say they will do?
16) Does this person honor their agreements with you, especially about things you two needed to compromise on?
17) Does this person learn from their mistakes?
18) Does this person ask you how you are, what you think and how you feel about various things?
19) Does this person seem to be genuinely interested in who you are as a person?
20) Do they appreciate you?
21) How do they show their appreciation?
22) What is their style of showing they care?
23) How is this person romantic?
24) What is their style of communicating?
25) Does this person work well with others?
26) Do they work well with you?
27) What has this person done for others and do they do things like that for you?
28) How often does this person drink alcohol?
29) How many drinks does this person have when they do drink?
30) Does this person do any drugs?
31) How intoxicated does this person get when they use intoxicants?
32) Does this person's behavior change when they are inebriated?
33) Does this person ever physically hurt anyone?
34) Does this person ever emotionally hurt anyone?
35) How does this person act after an incident when someone else feels hurt by them?
36) Do they express remorse when others feel hurt by them?
37) Is their reaction genuine or does it feel fake?
38) Does this person say "I am sorry" exactly that way?
39) Does this person say "I am sorry, will you please forgive me?" exactly that way?
40) Does this person make an agreement not to repeat that in the future?
41) Do they really follow through on that agreement by truly not doing that in the future?
42) Does this person honor your time?
43) Does this person honor your feelings?
44) Does this person show physical non-sexual affection toward you (hold your hand, hug you, rub your back, give you a massage when you are in pain, etc, without any sexual advances or sexual omtivations)?
45) Does this person step up to do things for you when you are feeling stressed and/or overwhelmed?
46) Does this person flirt with other people?
47) Does this person disrespect you in any ways?
48) Does this person disrespect your friends or family in any ways?
49) Whatever your hobbies, talents, skills are, does this person say complimentive things about them?
50) Does this person lie, cheat, or steal?

If a person is REALLY a good person, then they are good in all areas of their life. If a person does not rate with a minimal acceptable number (at least 35 positive answers, in ways that align with you as you are, without any sliding the scale at all), then you should not be in a relationship with them or in any way sexual with or interested in this person.

If you are interested in this person and they rate well on this test, then consider yourself blessed and do everything you can to keep this relationship because quality people who are attractive and interested in you back is a combination that does not come often. A truly good person should be someone you are considering spending the rest of your life with. When you find a good person, you should be WANTING to be with that person forever.

Some people don't think about life long-term. I didn't when I was young dating quality men. I was always looking for a different life, wanting to experience a hundred lives in my one lifetime, and I let go of men who would have been really great husbands. It is nothing I am at all proud of. As I got older, the quality men were in relationships and got married to other women. As an older woman, now the quality men aren't single, or they are already hurt, in love with someone else. The dating pool sucks when you get older. The time to set up your intentioal life for a great future is when you DO have a quality partner that you CAN CHOOSE to spend your life with.

You should be rating well on this scale too. If you aren't, then you need to be... If you need help becoming your personal best, visit the workshops page...