Overall, my opinion of dating is that it depends on the people who are in a relationship and on the people doing the flirting.
These are some specifics to open your perception of how flirting can adversely affect human dynamics.
Some people flirt to see if they CAN get that person.
Some people cheat.
Some people flirt with virtually everyone remotely attractive to get an ego boost.
Some people flirt because they are bored with their life.
Some people don't even think about it and randomly flirt.
Some people push limits.
Some people don't.
Some people think innocent flirting when you will never see that person again is ok.
Some people think flirting with someone you see a lot is ok as long as you don't have sex with that person.
Some people think having sex with everyone anytime is ok.
Some people think that collecting phone numbers is fun.
Some people would never even be thinking about seeing the person they are flirting with again.
Everyone is totally different, so it depends on the people and the nature of their relationship and their mutual commitments to each other for whether or not flirting is acceptable for both of them. It also depends on the other person (“the flirtee”) and what that person is like, seeking from/with the flirting, willing to do with “the flirtee”, etc. Strangers shouldn’t be trusted in case they don’t respect the relationship, particularly if they don’t even know there is a relationship in place (which is “the flirt’s” responsibility to make known).
Ss far as i am concerned, as long as everyone involved is on the same page so there aren't any negative dynamics created by legitimately innocent flirting and it's just a momentary non-physical exchange in public, that's ok.
But for me, it becomes a problem when the two flirting do more than flirt or end up talking about more, end up having sex, end up dating later on, etc. while that "rapport" was being built during my relationship, or in front of me where I have to see it, or in front of my friends who are then caught in the middle feeling uncomfortable!
Flirting can lead to more and that is why flirting can be perceived as a red flag. I prefer a man who is not a flirt, but of course, that is hard to find because attractive people get flirted with by more random people!
The fact that flirting builds rapport is exactly what bothers people about flirting. That dynamic and the connection built between two people during the flirtation process is what creates the opportunity and the situations that lead to cheating. Flirting is also a large factor that creates mistrust, fear, insecurity and negative emotions in the other person.
And if a person flirts with SOME people but not all people equally, then there is a reason for that flirting that is conspicuous in a relationship which the victim of “the flirt” does subconsciously notice, so that negative feeling accumulates within their subconscious, whether he or she chooses to discuss or even acknowledge it or not.
While I do not want my man to have those exchanges with other women, I do understand that flirting happens and I am certainly a flirt myself. I believe a certain amount of harmless flirting is ok between two people who both grasp the concept that they are NOT going to mess around, kiss, have sex, or be together. The problem is that most people do not think the way I do. I am totally 100% faithful and above reproach. I have never cheated and I feel VERY strongly that cheating is totally wrong and a horrible thing to do to anyone for any reason.
Plus, I actually think it is hotter to shut people down before things even get started whereas most people push right up to the boundary lines almost crossing over them.
I am a huge flirt, but I offer my mate 100% of my attention to the intentional exclusion of other men as a gift to show my devotion. For me, I think it is sexier for a person to be so devoted to their mate that they don't even care or notice other people. Mutual ownership a kink of mine. For example, we go out to a bar and I am dressed sexy, men notice me and try to get me to look at them, lock eyes for even a moment. That is an adrenaline rush for me and for them, contemplating the sexual chemistry at that moment between the two of us. Instead of instigating that adrenaline rush, I make it into a game NOT to even look at any other men except for my man and I even dote on my man more so the other men in the room are jealous of what my man has. This is the respect I offer and the respect I seek from a man I will date. I personally offer that respect MOST of the time and I'm consciously aware that people think I am a flirt, so I do try to curb it all the time because I do not need that dynamic.
I think a lot of other people need some kind of approval, validation, ego boost, or excitement in their life and that is why flirting is so rampant in our society. I have lived a profoundly surreal life with unbelievable experiences so I feel that may be a large contributing factor to my personal ability to curb the flirting and offer that total devotion and kink to my partner. Plus, I lost a great man once because my flirtatious nature destroyed his ability to trust me, even though I never cheated. I KNOW I can get any man I want, but I CHOOSE to be with only one man. IF the one I am with ends up being a jerk or not treating me right, I leave. But, while I am with him, I am totally devoted to only him in the quest for the last man who will ever touch me, which is the only one man I want touching me.
Also, another philosophy of mine is that ANYONE can get anyone they want. It is in the energy exchange that two people have when they are near each other. Think about this, someone you didn’t even care to notice before looks at you in such a way that you suddenly notice them looking at you. Even if you weren’t originally thinking about being with that person, you DO consider it. that is human nature. It is within that exchange that ugly people hook up with hot people. The hot person enjoys the way the other person makes them feel. it is that simple. If you can make someone FEEL good about themself, then you CAN get that person. The next step is to decide if you really LIKE the person!
In closing, if you want others to trust you, you have to behave in trustworthy ways. Energy has a way of expressing itself whether you think you can hide what you do or not, dirty laundry always has a way of getting itself aired. The subconscious mind is a very powerful element within human dynamics in relationships. Interactions that leave hurtful images or feelings in your mate will always come back to haunt you one way or another. So, be respectful of your mate whether you may get caught or not, whether your mate is around or not, whether you know “the flirtee” or not, whether you feel like doing the right thing or not, because doing the right thing makes you a good person and good kharma is better than bad kharma!